My 5 Mindsets for Getting Out of Abuse

1. Keep your emotions in a box.

I can’t tell you how much this has kept me alive. There are so many things your heart is feeling when you near the point of leaving abuse, and they are all valid. But for now they can cause you more harm then good, because emotions can distract you. Right now, you don’t have time for them. Your goal is to get you and your kids out, and STAY ALIVE. Take the emotions, the loss, hurt, pain, abandonment and put it in a box. You will open that box when life is safe again. You will come back to that box, and it will be there, you will handle it then. For now, put the emotions in a box and do what you planned to do. Follow your plan. Silence your emotions.

To Practice: Follow your plan (Note, I will post on how to build a plan soon, if you need one ASAP, send a message here). Silence your emotions. When you feel them start to rise, ask yourself what is next on your “To-do” list and do that. Do Not Act from emotion, it will likely be ill fated and distract you.

2. Know that Faith is a Substance.

Faith is the most massive part of my story. And that, my dear, is because has changed things so many times, it’s changed the things people told me wouldn’t change (more on that below). Faith is a literal substance that can’t be seen with the naked eye. But you need to cling to it with everything you have. God gives us faith as power, when we hold it and we don’t let our faith change by what our eyes see, change happens. Faith changes things.

To Practice: The greatest threat to faith is doubt. Now this can be your doubt or agreeing with someone else’s doubt. Make it a practice to disallow any unbelief from your mind. No doubt enters your thoughts. Faith lives in your mind. Only faith. You are going to have countless times where the world is going to tell you it looks hopeless, STAND on your faith. God won’t fail you, but you cannot afford to let the hopelessness in your mind or your faith loses power.

3. Be Careful who you Listen to.

This leads me to my next point and that is to be careful who you listen to. People love to talk and they love to try to help, but the reality is most people don’t know how to help. Good people will think they are giving you wisdom, when really it’s doubt that God will be who he says he is in your story. You have no room for their unbelief. NONE. Hear their words, and if it’s doubt they speak from, let it go. Don’t listen to faithless advice, it can derail your freedom.

To Practice: When someone starts to share their thoughts with you start by hearing them, and testing their words for faith. If they do not align with God’s promise to protect and free you and your children then DO NOT LISTEN to them.

4. Think Strategically.

I can look back on my story and so many times there were things that I did that wouldn’t have been simple if I was allowing myself to be emotional, this is why keeping your emotions in a box is so important: because it enables you to think with only your mind and spirit. It enables you to be strategic. What to do right now and then after becomes a lot clearer when you have a strategy. Strategy helps you plan, that plan will change countless times, and when it does you can strategically reassess and work from a revised plan. I like to think about it like this.

PROBLEM –> STRATEGY –> PLAN……

NEW PROBLEM –> REVISE THE STRATEGY –> NEW PLAN.

To Practice: The next time something unexpected comes up ask yourself these two things: 1. What can I do about this? 2. How does my plan need to adjust to make this work for me in some way? Thinking strategically is less about the result (i.e. the plan) and more about how your brain processes information to make the plan. When you stop emotions from being decision makers in your brain, you can think of a plan from a wider perspective and often you have a much thorough plan with less hiccups.

5. Remember freedom is a promise.

This is problem one of the most tenacious mindsets I’ve had to hold to. Sometimes this is such a process. The road to freedom is often long and hard. I’ve said before, “It’s hell if you leave and it’s hell if you stay, but I chose the path that ended in freedom”. And you know what? I’d walk it a thousand times over to end up here. Freedom is beautiful, it’s a promise. God will get you there, don’t lose hope.

To Practice: Freedom will come, because God doesn’t fail.

Your new story starts with you, but you aren’t alone.